Darkline: Camp for Aspiring Ladies of the Sith
by Dark Lady of the Circus
Summary: Anna and Caroline are back...and they've opened a girls' camp. Darth Vader teaches Chorus and Drama. Enough said. XP
1. The Story

A/N: So this is kind of hard to explain. Yes, it is Anna and Caroline in that Anna and Caroline are the main characters. However, this is on Earth, and all the canon characters that knew Anna and Caroline no longer know them. It's illogical anyway, so why not add another layer of illogic, right?

* * *

"Here we are, Darkline Ranch, camp for aspiring young ladies of the Sith." 

"This place looks even worse than Tattooine."

"Do not insult my home."

"Do not insult my home."

"Do not insult my home."

"Up yours, Mothma."

"I did not realize I was not permitted to speak my mind."

"Well, now you know."

Jamming a bunch of people who hate each other into a tour bus and taking them to a place where they will all work together is probably not the brightest idea ever.

Through twisting of the laws of time and physics, the role call of the bus consisted of Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Anakin Skywalker, Darth Sidious/Emperor Palpatine, Darth Maul, Count Dooku, General Grievous, Mon Mothma, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn, R2-D2, C-3PO, Boba Fett, Padmé Amidala, Admiral Piett, Master Yoda, Mace Windu, Han Solo, some droids, some stormtroopers, and the directors of Darkline Ranch. Jar-Jar Binks did not make the cut.

"You already have your cabin assignments," the first director told them as the bus ground to a halt.

"We're living in _cabins?_" Mothma asked, disgusted.

The second director laughed. "What? Did you expect a place called Beetlebum to be the Imperial Palace? You have an hour to unpack .We will be meeting in the dining hall at 1800."

There was complete chaos as all of the counselors, head counselors, and admin got their bags and headed to their respective cabins to unpack. As soon as they were off the bus, the directors visibly relaxed and pushed back their hoods.

"You ever think we're in a little bit over our heads?" the second director, a brunette named Caroline, asked.

The other one laughed. "We've got four members of the Skywalker family, two Skywalkers-in-law, and five people killed by Skywalkers. But seriously. This'll be awesome." The first director was short, about 5'4", well-endowed and proud of it, and had long, thick blonde hair. Her name was Anna.

"So, what have we got here?" Caroline asked, going back to business. "Who's in charge besides us?"

"Well," Anna replied, pulling out a sheet of paper, "For our admin, we've got Vader, Qui-Gon, and Leia, head counselors, Artoo, Luke, Master Yoda, and Piett."

"The Nutty Buddy Dance does not concern me, head counselor," Caroline said, smirking.

Anna laughed. "Can you even imagine the Banquet toasts?"

They talked, joked, and sang "The Saga Begins" for the next hour, then realized it was time for the meeting.

"Here we go," Anna said as they pulled their hoods over their heads and walked into the dining hall.

If they thought the commotion on the bus was bad, it was nothing compared to the commotion in the dining hall. General Grievous had all four of his lightsabers out, and was attacking the stereo system for beeping at him wrong. Vader was trying to turn Anakin to the dark side, Maul was hitting on Padmé, and Qui-Gon kept getting his hear set on fire.

"Well, our staff certainly will set wonderful examples for our campers," Anna observed.

Everyone immediately fell silent, and looked around guiltily. It was the Emperor who broke the silence. "Who are you anyway?"

"The directors of Darkline," Caroline said.

"We all know _that_," said Han Solo, "But who are you?"

"I am Darth Caroline."

"And I am Darth Anna."

They all burst into laughter.

"Seriously," Han said, wiping tears out of his eyes. "Who are you?"

"Han, they're telling the truth," said Luke. He was a human lie detector—one of the perks of using the Force for All That Is Good. The Sith thought this ability was overrated.

"I can see that now," replied Han, who was turning blue from a Force choke.

Caroline rolled her eyes. "Anna, don't choke the help."

"But there are only two Sith. A master and an apprentice," Obi-Wan protested.

"There are four other Sith in this room right now," Anna pointed out.

"So who is the master? And who is the apprentice?" Vader asked.

Anna and Caroline exchanged a look. "Enough about us," Caroline said. "Let's start the first session of orientation."

Orientation passed relatively uneventfully, until the staff got their schedules.

Pandemonium.

"I am not teaching Chorus and Drama."

"_Modeling and Manners? Cheerleading?_"

"I'm just as advanced at lightsaber fighting as he is! How come I'm not activity head?"

This went on for quite a while. Finally, Caroline stood on a table. "If you'll all _shut up_, we'll deal with your problems!"

They all shut up. They wanted their schedules fixed.

"Ok, let's go one at a time," Caroline said, still on the table. "Lord Vader, you're first."

"You have me down for third period Chorus and Drama."

"Oh, I'm sorry. It should be fifth period. Sorry, little typo. Just switch your third and fifth period classes."

"It is that I am teaching Chorus and Drama that is the problem."

Han Solo laughed, and began turning blue again.

"Lord Vader," Caroline snapped, and he released his choke. "You are teaching Chorus and Drama for several reasonable and well-thought-out reasons. Here is reason number one."

He scanned it quickly. "What is this garbage?"

Caroline smirked smugly. "Star Wars/Phantom of the Opera crossover. It says you have a strong voice. And, anyway, don't make fun of people's fanfic. And reason number two…Anna?"

"I'll show him." She walked over to the computer. "Dear God! What happened to this thing?"

Everyone pointed at Grievous, who started coughing.

"I need a droid up here. Now," Anna said.

One of them obediently trotted forward. Quick as lightning, Anna chopped off its head with her lightsaber. "What?" she asked, as everyone stared at her. "It said in its contract that it could be used for spare parts." She got busy fixing the computer as Caroline turned back to Vader. "Any other problems?"

"No." The rest of Vader's schedule was ideal. Four periods of Podracing and Flight of Other Small Spacecraft (PAFOOS—he was activity head) and one period free.

"All right, Anna'll give you reason number two for why you have Chorus and Drama," she mispronounced it, saying 'ch,' as in 'check,' and the first 'a' in 'drama' pronounced like 'man.' "Next."

Anna had finished fixing the computer, and was showing Vader the Vader emo site. He was outraged.

"Anna! If you could help me out here?"

"Oh, sure. Here ya go, Vader. Surf all you want. You're admin."

"I'm _what?_"

"Admin," Anna said. "Ad-min-is-tra-tor. You're in charge. Well, sort of. You wonder why you're in a house by yourself, not a cabin?"

"_Anna!_"

"Yeah? Oh! Next!"

Caroline was having some difficulties. The next person who appeared was Mon Mothma. Caroline had some issues with Mothma.

"Next!"

"Excuse me," Mothma said, coughing politely. "I have a question."

Caroline craned her neck to see around Mothma. "Anybody? Anybody have a problem with their classes? Anybody?"

Mothma realized she was being snubbed. She may have been many things, but she wasn't stupid.

Caroline grinned, but Mothma couldn't tell because of the director's hood. "I'm kidding." She really wasn't, but she planned to get a lot more evil enjoyment out of Mothma. "What's wrong?"

"I hate to say it, but none of my classes are particularly desirable."

She sighed. "I'm sorry, but my hands are tied. Enough girls expressed interest that we have to have the class, and you turned in your application last."

Mothma had applied third.

"Oh, okay. Thank you, though."

"Anytime."

Eventually all the schedules were sorted out. Later, the counselors would realized that no one had actually had their schedule changed.

"Any questions?" Anna asked after order was restored.

"We have been thinking," Obi-Wan said. "And it seems that all of the men have young campers."

"You think?"

"It was planned that way."

"Yeah. You think that we'd let Anakin be living with sixteen year old girls?" this was Caroline. Anna went over to a window and peered out.

They all looked confused, except for Padmé.

"I hate to break it to all you, but Anakin is beyond fine. This girl agrees." She held up a sheet of paper and read off, " 'Can I have Ani in my cabin? He's so hot. Or, even better, can watching Anakin in the shower be a class or something?' It goes on, but you get the picture."

"That storm's about to unleash holy hell from the sky," Anna observed.

The storm unleashed holy hell from the sky.

"So we're stuck in here," Anna said cheerfully.

"Talk amongst yourselves."

Anna and Caroline wandered out to Yoda's Porch to get some peace and quiet.

"Karaoke?" Anna asked.

"Absolutely. Oh, and I found that program!"

"My heart will go on!" Anna belted out in a white Aretha Franklin-like voice, cracking Caroline up. "Ooh! Let's do 'Loathing'!"

"Let's do it back in there."

"OK!"

They walked back in and each grabbed a microphone.

Caroline looked at Anna. "Well…?"

"I'm not doing Galinda!"

Mace Windu choked on his glass of tea.

"Well I can't do Galinda!"

Anna smirked. "Let's ask our Chorus and Drama teacher."

"Vader, who's voice is higher?" they asked together.

He looked between them. "Caroline," he said.

"I hate you! My dearest darlingest Momsie and Popsicle."

"My dear father," Anna said grumpily.

"There's been some confusion over rooming here at Shiz," they sang together.

Anna: But of course I'll care for Nessa.

Caroline: (glaring at Vader) But of course I'll rise above it.

Both: For I know that's how you'd want me to respond, yes. There's been some confusion for you see my roommate is…

Caroline: Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe…

Anna: Blonde.

They sang the rest of "Loathing," then did "Popular," and finished with "For Good."

"Just smile and nod," Leia commented to Master Yoda.

Qui-Gon nodded, saying, "They just keep getting crazier—"

Anna pointed out the window. "Smelly hobo!" Caroline charged out into the rain.

"—and crazier."

A minute later, Caroline was back. Soaked. "The rain's letting up. It didn't give me any bruises."

Anna and Caroline started arguing about something smelly while the rest of Darkline's staff looked on with amazement.

"These people are in _charge_?" Dooku asked.

"Oh, my," said Threepio.

"I cannot believe parents are entrusting their daughters to them," Obi-Wan observed, shaking his head.

Boba Fett raised an eyebrow. "We entrusted _ourselves_ to her."

"But we can fend for ourselves," the Emperor hissed. "Or we apprentice someone to fend for us."

"Hey!" Dooku, Vader, and Maul said at the same time, causing the rest of the staff to laugh.

"That apprentice protecting me thing didn't work too well for me," Qui-Gon said, smiling and gesturing at the large Band-Aid on his stomach.

Anna and Caroline looked at each other, satisfied. The whole point of them acting so insane was that so all the counselors would get along. That, and the were in charge, so they could do whatever the hell they wanted.

Caroline grinned and restarted the argument. "Smelly ho!"

"Smelly hobo!"

"Smelly hobo riding a monkey!"

"Smelly ho riding a hobo!"

* * *

Darkline was a beautiful place, especially for a Sith camp. It was high up on a mountain—Appalachian, not Rocky—and the campus was huge, sprawling, and gorgeous. It spanned both sides of a river, with the older girls' cabins, the directors' house, a field, for some reason called "the Mexican field," and the podracing course. On the other side of the river was everything else. 

Vader hated it. "The biggest piece of metal I can see is my spoon!" he wailed, the next morning in dining hall.

"Vader," Caroline snapped.

"Welcome to official orientation," Anna said. "Let's start with songs."

Boba Fett gaped. "_Songs?_"

Caroline handed out packets to everybody. "these have cabin and camp songs in them. None of the campers will know them, so y'all had better teach your girls." She glared. "Or else."

So they sang the songs, and talked about a few other Darkline traditions that Anna and Caroline had made up one day, such as the Horseshoe. The directors would hide the Horseshoe somewhere on the 'everything else' side of the river, and the girls could ask for clues to find it, but only Riversiders—the oldest girls, aged 14-16 could ask. And they could only ask by singing a song at a meal.

The song went,

_Meet Darth Anna in the lobby,_

_Obi-Wan is really snobby,_

_Shake your sugar to the boogie beat,_

'_Cause we got the Sith that can't be beat (wuup)!_

_All the campers were quiet (Shh…),_

_All the counselors, too (Grievous!),_

_All the campers were quiet (Shh…),_

_At Taps they had the blues._

_She ran down to the lobby to get a Dr Pepper,_

_She knock-knocked on the door,_

_She knock-knocked on the door,_

_And this is what she said:_

"_Hey hobos, may we please have a Horseshoe clue?"_

_Meet Darth Anna in the lobby,_

_Obi-Wan is really snobby,_

_Watch out Mothma, you're gonna get **killed**,_

'_Cause Riverside's on top of the hill (wuup)!_

"Why hobos?" Vader asked, breaking a stunned silence after Anna and Caroline's performance.

Anna and Caroline looked at him blankly.

"Why, 'Hey, hobos, may we please have a Horseshoe clue?' " Vader elaborated.

"Well, we couldn't fit 'Anna and Caroline' into two syllables," Anna said. "And it's an inside joke."

Caroline nodded. "We don't expect you to understand."

Anna laughed. "But let's stop quibbling. The girls will be here in three days."

Mace Windu choked on his tea again. "Three days?" he spluttered.

Caroline smirked. "Yep. The main rush is four days away, but the LTs will be here in three."

"The L whats?"

"L_T_s. Leadership Training. Leia and Qui-Gon teach them how to be leaders, they help with a class and a cabin, and if they pass, they get to be full-fledged counselors next year."

The next three days flew by in a whirlwind of preparations. The whole staff, even Obi-Wan, had to look like seasoned experts.

It was going to be hard.

* * *

A/N: An epilogue's coming up soon, and if you want more, you know what to do. There's a friendly-looking purple button at the bottom of the page. 


	2. The Epilogue

Saturday rolled around, and the first cars rolled into Darkline's parking lot. Caroline grabbed a phone and punched all call. "Batten down the hatches! The LTs are here!"

The girls, all slightly baffled-looking, stepped out of their parents' cars. This was a Sith camp, for the love of God. It should look gloomy, depressing, evil. Their palpitating little hearts beneath their Darth Vader shirts calmed a little when they saw two hooded and cloaked figures slid out of the shadows. They began to smile. This was more like it.

Their faces fell again when one of the figures tripped and fell down the three steps from the shadowy porch to ground level with a resounding, "Aaack!"

The still standing figure went to help the fallen one, but tripped on the fallen one's cloak and went sprawling, yelling, "Shoot dang it!" The "Shoot dang it!" figure landed on top of the "Aaack!" figure, and both started giggling. _Giggling_.

Two figures who appeared, for all intents and purposes, to be Sith, were _giggling._

One of the more hardcore fans began to cry.

The gigglers finally disentangled themselves and stood back up. The "Aaack!" figure glided—cloak carefully held—over to the parents, handing out maps, hissing in a scary voice, "Take your daughters' trunks to Riverside. Leave them in the lobby. Then go." A hand wave later, the parents were gone. The hood pushed back to reveal Caroline, although the LTs didn't know it yet. The hardcore canon fan cried even harder when she saw that the Sith—Anna had also de-hooded—weren't scary, scarred old men, but pretty women in their late twenties.

Caroline skipped back over to Anna. "I hope they don't kill themselves, trying to drive while mind-controlled." She looked at the girls. "Welcome to Darkline."

Of the six girls, only one said "Hi!" Two might have whispered it, two looked petrified, and the crying one kept crying.

"We're the directors," Anna said. "I'm Anna and she's Caroline. We're Anna and Caroline."

"Caroline and Anna."

"Alphabetical order."

"What if it's opposite day?"

"What if it's not?"

"Your mom."

"Your face."

"Your mom's face."

"You face your mom."

"No, you! I win!"

"You always lose, Caroline."

"Anyway," Caroline said. "Anna's the Dark Lady of the Canoe, abuser of the Mexicans, and I'm the Dark Lady of the Circus, hey, wait! I abuse Mexicans too! Nifty!"

"You guys are the elite. You are to be trained to be a leader. And yes, that includes mind-control. Come on, come sit on the infirmary porch and we can talk and stuff."

The girls walked up the steps, noticing the infirmary sign—limp in, leap out—and settled in some rocking chairs.

"Anna! Let's do the name game!" Caroline said, excitedly.

Anna grinned. "Excellent!"

"Ok, so you say your name, one adjective that describes you, and one thing you like to do. "I'm Crazy Caroline and I like to Circus."

"And I'm Albino Anna and I like to Aerobicize."

The only girl who had said "Hi!" to Anna and Caroline, a redhead with curly hair and green eyes started. "I'm Jiggly Joanna and I like to Jeronimo!"

Anna glanced at Caroline. _She makes no sense. I see great potential._

_Indeed_, Caroline replied mentally.

One of the timid girls, a brunette with dark eyes, figured she might as well talk. "I'm Antagonistic Amanda, and I like to Anakin."

The other timid girl was short with copious amounts of dirty blonde hair—look a lot like Anna did at 16—shrugged and said, "I'm Funny Fiona—don't you dare laugh—and I like to Flyfish."

_I wonder if she really does_, wondered Anna.

Then no one said anything. There was a muffled sob from the hardcore fan—Sith playing _name games?_—but no words from either her or the two petrified-looking LTs.

Funny Fiona sighed and pointed at the sobbing girl who had obviously dyed-black hair, heavy eyeliner—that was streaking down to her jaw—and a Darth Vader Lives shirt. "This is my cousin, Padawan Pauline—don't laugh at her either—and she likes to Procreate."

_Hmm_, thought Anna. _Dirty jokes. She might have potential._

_She's exactly like you. Did you have a clone made without telling me?_

_I'd give my clone a better name than Fiona. Something like…I don't know…_

_Annika Amidala Vader? _Caroline thought this dryly. Anna always asserted that that was what Leia's name should have been.

_Exactly!_

It was obvious that the other two weren't going to speak, so Anna and Caroline told them to go to the dining hall—"In a general that way direction"—and Qui-Gon and Leia would see to them.

Jiggly Joanna ran off to the dining hall. She wanted Qui-Gon to see to _her_.

As the rest of the girls meandered off at a more leisurely pace, Anna and Caroline decided to pay a visit to Lord Vader in his house, Medley.

Lord Vader had not named his house.

They barged in without knocking. No sign of Vader. "Hey, Lord Vader!" they yelled, the Anna flopped down to watch some TV while Caroline paid the fridge a visit.

Still no sign of Vader.

"Hey! Lord Vader! Where's the cheese?" Caroline hollered, then turned away from thet fridge for a quick rummage in the pantry.

She never got there.

Instead, she ran into Vader's chest plate.

He looked livid.

"Sorry," said Caroline, sounding completely unapologetic. "Hey, Anna!" she shouted. "We interrupted his helmet-off time!"

Anna and Caroline beat a hasty retreat from Medley, Anna hastier than Caroline. Caroline was weighed down with two cans of Diet Coke, three donuts, a piece of cheesecake, half a gallon of Caramel Coyote ice cream, and a box of Frosted Mini-Chex.

* * *

The LTs loosened up a little under Leia and Qui-Gon, but were still a little wary. After all, they were being taught how to be Sith by a Jedi and a Rebel leader. 

Their names, however, had been coaxed out of them. Added to the ranks of Joanna, Amanda, Fiona, and Pauline—who had stopped crying—was Lindsay Leigh, a petite blonde who had sung "Yoda" by Weird Al for her talent at a beauty pageant, and Linday Younger, a brunette who impersonated Princess Leia to earn spare cash. Even Qui-Gon admitted that he saw the resemblance.

* * *

A/N: I know this is a weird place to end, but I have to make you want more (that's what she said), so you'll review. Complete for now, but I'll add more if the public demands that it be so. 


End file.
